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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Just thought I'll do something amusing and different. Here's a song by Bon Jovi and I made it into something like a relationship between me and God. It shows the rebellious me and the patient God. Don't take the lyrics too literally. They might be out of point. Haha. Here it is :
God to me : I guess this time you're really leaving, I heard your suitcase say goodbye. And as my broken heart lies bleeding, You say true love is suicide.
Me to God: You say you're cried a thousand rivers, And now you're swimming for the shore. You left me drowning in my tears, And you won't save me anymore. I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance.
God to me : I'll be there for you, These five words I swear to you, When you breathe I want to be the air for you, I'll be there for you. I'd live and I'd die for you, Steal the sun from the sky for you, Words can't say what a love can do, I'll be there for you.
God to me : I know you know we've had some good times, Now they have their own hiding place. I can promise you tomorrow, But I can't buy back yesterday.
Me to God : And Father you know my hands are dirty, But I wanted to be your valentine.
God to Me : I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby. When you get drunk, I'll be the wine.
God to Me : I'll be there for you, These five words I swear to you, When you breathe I want to be the air for you, I'll be there for you. I'd live and I'd die for you, Steal the sun from the sky for you, Words can't say what a love can do, I'll be there for you.
Me to God : And I wasn't there when you were happy, I wasn't there when you were down, I didn't mean to miss your birthday, I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out.
God to Me : I'll be there for you, These five words I swear to you, When you breathe I want to be the air for you, I'll be there for you. I'd live and I'd die for you, Steal the sun from the sky for you, Words can't say what a love can do, I'll be there for you.
Broke down at 1:03 AM
Monday, April 24, 2006
Did quite a bit of thinking and decision making in my life. Things are still undecided in certain areas. Good decisions, not bad. I really need to be more submissive to God and be humble to people. I need to understand what love really means and how to be super unconditional. What I took home from Sunday's lesson was this : Love, in order for it to be real, must come with a price. We have to be willing to be hurt. It will hurt at times, badly even. Love empties us of ourselves. It's not all about me, myself and I. Love means not controlling how you want a person to be but at the same time, showing concern and patience and friendship. Love is giving lots of your time, effort, heart, soul, mind and then preparing yourself not to get anything back. That is my definition of love. I cannot say that I have fulfilled that. In fact, I am probably only about 20% of that. This applies to friendships, relationships with family and even probably, if God permits, my future partner and family. I need to talk about it more, I need to let go of my old self. I need to break down these walls of lies, deceit and selfishness. Yes, I build this wall with the devil and I need to break it down with God. It's tough, really tough, cos it's built on my own desires which sometimes, I am not ready to let go. Many times, the devil has deceived and lied to me, and everytime, I am blinded and fall for his trap. Many times, I feel like, God, why did you put certain struggles in my life which probably many people cannot relate to? Do you think I like it? My life as a Christian would probably be so much easier if I did not have these struggles to deal with. I can probably do much greater things for you and be happier. God, help me understand and surrender...
Stage ethics :
This friday will be Slingshot's (our band consisting of Marvin, Ling Pin, Nick, Kev and myself) gig at a rock pub called Zombie. Probably one of the last few before we take a long long break. I was wondering, hmm, how to be more confident on stage, besides relying on the "spirit". And I came to these conclusions :
(1) Learn and know the songs which we are going to play. Know them inside out.
(2) Entertain the crowd. Be out of yourself. People don't wanna see 5 statues on stage. Don't be self conscious.
(3) Lastly, enjoy and have good time. Don't worry too much about making mistakes.
Many times, I get so insecure and become scared on stage. Main reason is because, I am afraid of how people will view me, if I do a stupid action or play a wrong note. Ya, maybe relying on some "spirit" will do me good. =)
Do come down and support us this friday if you can. It'll mean a lot to us. Really.
Broke down at 9:45 PM
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Broke down at 12:34 PM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
It's been 2 whole weeks since I lost my bass. After countless futile calls to the the cab company ( I shan't mention the company's name lest I get sued), I have finally resigned to my fate. I will never have it back. During these past 2 weeks, a hope for a miracle has evolved into a pile of hatred and a whole lot of attitude. Attitude, yea.. Some kind of attitude the driver has, or whoever has gotten hold of it. Dishonest and totally no empathy at all. An apathetic bastard. No conscience at all. Sigh, but what can I do? I have done all I can already. I am feeling much better now though, after spending much time with some brothers and my friends. But still, lots of thoughts are racing through my mind. Where is it? Who has it? What is he/she doing it with? How does he/she feel? What are they saying about the previous owner (me)? Don't these people have a conscience? Why do they have to be so dishonest? Don't they care how the person who lost it feels? I gotta confess, the main culprit in my mind is the taxi driver. Everytime I call the cab company and I get the reply "Sorry sir, your item has not been found" I heat up, I get angry. The driver comes to mind. "RETURN ME MY %!#$%&# BASS YOU !&#%!$!!!!!!" That is what goes through my mind. But ya, like what I said, I am feeling much better now. Thanks to my friends who comforted me.
These 2 weeks have been bad, but I did try to do stuff which made me forget about it. Doing strange stuff too haha. Went for jams, movies, visits to vintage, going out with friends to watch other bands play in pubs, and taking pics with campus superstars LOL!!! I shan't post the pic here, ask me personally if you want to see it..it's embarrassing enough, lol. Yea, that kind of cheered me up a little. Oh well.. I leave you with a pic of my 'deceased' bass. In case you see something similar to mine anywhere, pls do let me know. Thxs =)
Broke down at 6:23 AM
Monday, April 03, 2006
So very long have I awaited for your arrival, how I always longed to have you in my arms. Before we met, I stared at your pic almost everyday. Longing, waiting patiently for you. Like a panting deer which thirsts for water, was how I was thirsting for you. I waited and waited. Patiently, waiting for you. But you never did come. I was saddened.
Until one day, when I saw you, and finally met you. You arrived, safely, from Japan. My heart was filled with joy. Total joy. The very first time I saw you, for real, I fell deeper in love with you. I embraced you in my arms, full of excitement and wonder. I remember the day I brought you home for the very first time. Everyone was excited to see you. Friends were curious and excited, and wanted to meet you too. I wanted you to look your best. I brought you out to shop for stuff, many times. Money was no object. When you fell sick, I was there to make sure you got the best treatment. We had so much fun together. Because of you, I have managed to learn so much more. I was motivated, so so motivated. I was proud of you. You never did let me down. When I was bored, lonely, sad, down, you never failed to be there for me. You sang for me. Your song soothes my raging soul. You were always there, and always 100% on my side. When I was sad, you were sad. When I was happy, you were happy. When I was angry, you got angry too. Not with me, but together with me. Sometimes, I would just stare and you and admire your beauty. I would constantly think.. What can I do or get you to make you more than the perfect you which you are already. I cherished you so so much.
Then it happened. One rainy day. I lost you. Forever. In the trunk of someone's car, you were mercilessly stuffed into. I never heard from you since then, and never saw you ever again. Anger, betrayal is what I feel. Everyday day now, I wait by my phone. Anxiously waiting, for that call. But alas, nothing. All I can do now is wait, again, patiently, like how I used to. Hoping, praying....for a miracle.
Broke down at 11:42 AM